I apologize in advance if posts like this are not welcome here.
I have a friend circle of 6 guys including me. Before some of us got jobs, we used to play games everyday, hang out together if we are in town. Everyone was chill, enjoyed games more and mostly respected each other to some degree.
After getting jobs we still made time to play and hang out, but not as frequently. I only get time to play games with them on the weekends as my job is in a different time zone. But I still call or text them nearly everyday. Some of them play every single day (kind of addicted to GTA online and valorant for some reason).
But in the last couple of months I have noticed a shift in their behavior. Talking behind each others backs and always getting offended for the silliest of things. This is especially true for those who continued to mindlessly play every single day (they work on the same startup company as well).
I always knew that there was one guy among us who would unnecessarily run his mouth. But I always thought of it as his way of having fun. Mybe it was his way of feeling included. Idk. So I never took any of his ramblings to heart. But everything hits differently now, in a bad way. Every conversation feels like I’m walking on eggshells. Now the others are also starting to become like him.
It’s not just me who thought this way. Another guy who have been besties for a long time with the blabbermouth guy personally called me and told that the whole group feels like it’s infected by something and shared thoughts similar to mine.
I want to call it out, but i’m not sure how to do that in a thoughtful way. I just want them to reflect on themselves, not that I have any right to say that. I’m not afraid of offending them as it’s almost impossible to say anything meaningful without doing so.
Thank you for reading. I hope you have a wonderful day.
I’ve read through a good chunk of this thread and I think most people are correct in that you should initially be facing this head-on, particularly with the problem dude in person in front of the group. As a secondary action, I’d also recommend tightening your availability for full group activities afterward if it doesn’t resolve itself. What does that look like? Maybe one or two gaming sessions with the full group anymore, but the couple of chill dudes in the group can be separately invited to play something with you, maybe a new, different game. If the problem dude tries to put you on blast for doing this in some way, you have the ammo of “I’ve tried to give you a chance to be less toxic. You’ve refused. I’m trying to maintain friendships with the people who are considerate about my feelings. I’m still making an effort with you and you keep showing me that you’re a bad friend towards me. How much of your bullshit do you think is a reasonable amount for me to have to put up with before I’m justified in walking away?”
I’m sure I don’t need to tell you this, but if you’ve seen him talking about the others behind their backs, and you’re not online with them as often as the others, then he’s almost certainly talking about you behind your back more than he does with everybody else. And any decent person in the group is aware of this and will respect you for speaking up. Just don’t do it yourself in your subgroup with the chill guys. If they bring it up, just say something like “guys, let’s not worry about them, let’s just focus on having a good time together right now.”