I have been living with depression since a teenager and after so many years, I recently finally started receiving psychotherapy (CBT). While I’m already seeing some modest changes in my thinking patterns, my therapist noted that in the last few weeks the severity of the condition is worsening and it might be a good time to talk with my primary care provider about antidepressants as a combination therapy.
This got a reaction out of me, specifically that I don’t like the idea of chemically altering my mental state and losing access to what “I really feel” (as I perceive it).
I know that the logic behind this sentiment is not very solid, but we can’t reason ourselves out of our feelings that easily. For me this is also challenging because I don’t take any recreational substances that affect my mental state, so I can’t tell to myself that it’s like e.g. smoking weed only more targeted and supervised.
I’m curious if this sentiment is familiar to anyone else, and how you dealt with it (whether you decided for or against medication).
As some who has been on at least an anti depressant for 30ish years, I found that some absolutely can numb you at all emotional levels.
I lived like this for a long time, and it was better than being unmedicated.
Then I saw a different doc, and adjusted my meds around the time I met my wife.
In thr beginning I had a lot of difficulties, not because I lacked emotion, I just hadn’t dealt with any strong emotions for 20 years so it all felt very new. Love, anger, frustration, all of it came back. Imagine being a kid again, real little, and you can’t even name how you feel because its so foreign to you.
That being said, every medication effects everyone differently.
For example, Abilify (adjunct medication for depression) made me restless, edgy, and just miserable. I would go for walks to try to burn through that uneasy feeling. I’m talking multiple walks a day. My ass has (and will continue) to say that the fridge is too far away and too much trouble to get off the couch, in comparison.
A good friend of mine is on it and has no issues, helped with her depression as advertised.
Sadly, it involves some trial and error to find what works for you.
Be honest with your docs. Don’t tell them you’re “fine” because you’re functional to society, so that must be good enough. Its not.