Huddled together outside the Court, members of the queer community were left speechless after the community was dealt a blow that gender experts say might have consequences for decades.

Almost immediately after 26-year-old Luna Algae Brindle was found Not Eepy in a 7-2 decision, protestors nationwide took to the streets, with more extreme groups setting fire to Chase Banks around the country. When questioned about their motives, they said “we’ve kept chasers around for too long”. While the attacks are justified, one must wonder how many people who work at Chase Bank are actively on apps trying to suck trans people up.

In Minneapolis, protestors armed with Blahaj modified to hold assault rifles took over an Ikea and told police they weren’t leaving until an unbiased third party witnesses them “cuddled up on snuggle mode”. Police responded by opening fire and the protestors reportedly “decimated” the initial wave of officers, with SWAT teams coming in immediately after armed with water hoses and less lethal munitions. While the Blahaj were unharmed by the water, they were not similarly bulletproof. The Ikea has since fallen, a burned up ruin serving only to remind us of a battle where nobody won.

Florida also happened to be a surprising battleground, with the transfem community energized and composed almost entirely of former “cr*zy *ss white boys” with nothing left to lose. Wearing a uniform of loose fitting hoodies, National Guard forces were surprised when the protestors had plate carriers waiting to recieve incoming fire. Witnesses claim that the “Bottom Battalion” were “hopped up on a cocktail of feminizing drugs and bath salts,” easily taking over Disneyworld and declaring that Mickey Mouse is gay now. Police have been attempting to breach the castle within the theme park but are having trouble getting past the moat filled with the crocodiles from Peter Pan.

The scenes of unrest in the country are disturbing to say the least. This reporter wonders if we can ever go back to how things used to be or if this is yet another new normal. Stay tuned for updates.