Feel that all dating apps nowadays are an absolute scam so curious if anyone here has actually had any success with dating apps and if so what app what is it?
Feel that all dating apps nowadays are an absolute scam so curious if anyone here has actually had any success with dating apps and if so what app what is it?
Yes.
Met a partner of ~5 years ok okcupid some years ago.
Met a partner of ~8 years on ok cupid after that.
I get a fair amount of dates on Tinder now, even though I’m getting old and have at least one major deal breaker.
It turns out a lot of people are really bad at using the dating apps. People don’t write anything useful in their bio. They waste their first message with “hey”. When they get a question they dead end it. Like “hey your profile says you love NK jemisen. Have you read her new books?” -> “no”. And then they’re like "why isn’t this working?'. My friends please be better at this.
Tinder still sucks and you can see where they’re putting profit ahead of a good experience, but you have to go where the people are.
So true about the messaging issues. I had one woman get seriously pissed at me for asking a question about one of the interests in her bio. She said something to the effect of “Are you here to interrogate me or what?” I was just trying to start a conversation, but I quickly moved on, she clearly was crazy or stupid.
Probably both.
I disagree with the hey. It depends on the dating app.
If the app confirms that you’re both interested then hey is a bad opening. Okcupid, when I was originally using it, I would read through the profile and tailor a question to them. I found it pointless if they weren’t interested in me. So saying hey acted as a filter to find who would be interested in me.
I can see where you’re coming from.
However! Two counter arguments.
One. Saying “hey” changes their view of you. It’s very possible that opening with “hey” will actually shift their opinion of you towards negative. To me (and friends I’ve talked to) it comes off as very low effort, which is unappealed.
Two. You’re going to need to write a better message anyway. Some people might have success with the “hey” “hey” “how’re you?” “Good u?” flow but I really strongly recommend not doing that. It takes longer, a lot of people dislike it, and you’re going to eventually have to write something better anyway. Opening with a good message saves you time overall.
Sending a good initial message saves you time overall and increases your success rate.
I completely understand and I kind of agree that it’s low effort. However, my experience was that my “high effort messages” received maybe a 1/10th of the responses that got with hey. And then if factor in how many less people I was messaging because I was tailoring it then the amount of interested responses was significantly less.
Again, if it’s an app like tinder where you both have to show interest then I wouldn’t start with hey. Otherwise I view it as just showing interest and then if they respond then I can follow it up with something from their profile.
But I’ve been out of that scene for a decade so I have to imagine with enshitification that online dating is now even worse.