First, I am a late diagnosis, so if some of my terminology is offensive please tell me, assimilation is hard.
On the the point, I have been noticing a pattern, I am in a number of allistic or mixed groups, online or in meetup type spaces. I am trying to expand my social circle, and I have nearly always been alone.
Is it typical amongst nurotypical people to respond to a question with need for information questions and then, when they realize that (and I don’t know which) they’re not interested or they can’t help they just move on, not explain that they can’t help or aren’t interested?
Yes. One reason is it’s simply less effort. Another is it can be socially awkward to deny someone, or to admit ignorance.
This feels like a likely theory. Something like:
I thought I could help (knew something, whatever) but turns out I don’t. Now I am embarrassed, and don’t want to admit my mistake.
That is valid. I could give some grace to that situation, this really did help. I was ready to be angry about it, but this is much better.