I can’t put many details right now because I am at work. But I want to know if anyone else struggles with this or has advice?
I will update with details later.
I can’t put many details right now because I am at work. But I want to know if anyone else struggles with this or has advice?
I will update with details later.
It will depend entirely on the accommodations you are asking of them. What seems unreasonable to them may feel reasonable to you, and the same the other way around.
More details would definitely be useful here.
I’ve asked for lists rather than her telling me tasks while I am busy, and then gets upset if I forget.
My defense is that if I can’t make a physical note, and I likely will forget, then text me or write it down. She says I should just be able to remember.
I agree that more details help with this. I had hoped someone would relate and share their experiences based on vague information.
I’m working on a longer post and will post it tomorrow after I’ve had a chance to sleep, so that I can read it with a fresh perspective.
That sounds like a reasonable request.
If you’re open to advice, I’d suggest exploring communicating and unpacking needs with your partner. In the example you’ve given, you’ve shared with her that you need things written down in order to better remember a task. Her reply “you should just be able to remember” is unhelpful on it’s surface, but it’s possible that behind that is a need that’s being unmet. Perhaps she feels she’s not being listened to? it’s worth exploring this with her.
So I can relate to this, I have been diagnosed with ADHD/autism and I am married to someone who has OCD/autism. So our relationship takes a lot of communication and working around each other’s preferences to remain healthy and functional.
I think one thing that can be exhausting to most people who are in a relationship with someone who is neurodivergent is that it can feel like they have to work harder to accommodate our deficiencies more than we do ourselves.
This can be true in some sense, but it doesn’t account for the daily tribulations of navigating a society not made for the way we think. Now one thing I have to remind myself is that while there is nothing inherently wrong with being neurodivergent, the reality is that it’s our responsibility to try and operate in society the best we can.
I think the problem here is that you are making it her responsibility to write you a list of things they want you to do. I too am very bad at remembering things when I’m working on something or busy.
My solution is that I pretty much always have a notepad/pen on me so I can take a quick note and make sure I haven’t dropped the ball on something throughout the day. I don’t think it should be the onus of your partner to do this, just like I know that Im not going to get my work place to write up a daily things for me to accomplish.
At the end of the day we can’t expect the world to learn coping skills to deal with us, we have to learn coping skills to deal with them. And i can basically guarantee your partner isn’t the only person who has the same issue.