If so, what triggered it and what was it like?
I was in college, it was night, and several friends and acquaintances of mine had lugged a case of beer to a giant empty wire spool that sat next to our campus at the time. The spool on it’s side made for a good table.
Having completed an entire class about world religions, we were set to debate whether Buddhism or Taoism was a more reasonable philosophy.
The girl to my right was definitely engaged in the conversation, but she hadn’t said anything yet. I asked her “so what do you think about all of this?” She looked at me, crossed her arms, and fell backwards into the ground. I immediately said, “holy shit, did you guys just see that?” Nobody else saw the girl. As it happened, the wire spool was on the lawn between the campus and a graveyard.
Maybe I’m nuts or maybe I saw that. Never saw anything like that again though.
How did that affect you?
At the time, I approached it from the perspective that consciousness in some capacity was possible after death while acknowledging that I had no evidence on the questions of how, why, how frequently, for what duration, etc. I hypothesized that ghosts were whorls of consciousness like the whirlpools in water after the passing of an oar.
I was raised Lutheran, but had been approaching my understanding of existence from what I thought of as a logical perspective. For example, I reasoned that heaven, if it existed as a joyful reward state, must either be essentially finite in duration or must involve eternal dementia based on the notion that eventually you would run out of novel or interesting thoughts or experiences. To remain joyful, heaven would have to either have the individual be dissolved back into the universe/almighty or would require forgetting earlier novel experiences.
These days I tend to just anthropomorphize the universe itself, as the wants of an omniscient and omnipotent being would be indistinguishable from the natural rules of the universe. To quote Roger Waters: “what God wants, God gets (God help us all)”. I figure God wants matter to be attracted to other matter and for electromagnetism to be a thing (amongst other rules of the universe).
I had a weird revelatory experience when I was 14 or so about the nature of God, and how in order to define something you must include certain characteristics and exclude certain characteristics. From that I drew the conclusion that any definition of God must be woefully incomplete, as how can one exclude characteristics from the definition of a thing that is all things and entirely beyond comprehension. From there I decided that any way of acknowledging something greater than ourselves is as valid as any other way, and that’s guided my spirituality since then.
Interesting, about half a year ago I asked to myself why echo chambers could possibly happen. After this I’ve been discovering multiple unrelated books and have been reading them, each with different relatively unconnected topics, but eventually their knowledge all fitted together perfectly, even supported by examples in my own life, and eventually I reached the same conclusion.
Knowledge has a dark side, what we know and say about something (definition) decides the very way we look at it. Everything we define can never encompass every case, and every system we build can never encompass all of reality. Just look at the system of language, just saying the sentence “This sentence is a lie” leads to a paradox, and paradoxes are just the signs of an incomplete system. Therefore, if God is everything, God escapes our definitions.
I suppose reaching for God is then seeking out the great undefinable, in love, in experience, in knowledge, or whatever else, and broadening your own limits.
Hiking in the superstition mountains in Arizona made me feel like there was a god
