This is dark fantasy/horror story, stylized as an ancient oral legend, which tells the story of a simple man’s journey and gradual descent into darkness - and ascension to power. We tried to give our villain protagonist some psychological and philosophical deep, not just “HAHAHA I am evil and will rule the world!”.
Here is the audio: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KCdlph835qc
If You prefer to read: https://adeptusrpg.wordpress.com/2022/12/14/tale-of-the-necromancer/
I am an author of the text, other guy read it and recorded. We are very interested in Your feedback and discussion.
A more precise review, mainly because you asked for feedback:
I enjoyed the concept, and I think it was well explored. I really got a kick out of the precise changing of words, in particular the main character being referred to as “potter” at the beginning and “Necromancer” at the end, together with some other more subtle word developments.
I think the first paragraph could be more appealing, I was a bit put off by the lack of details coupled with plenty of suspension dots. I find it odd how some precise details (about the religion, the urns, the desert) are woven in a very general, almost parabolic, story line.
Some emotional components are also a bit unpolished, just given as facts. In particular his love for his family seems to be an “on-off” switch, and it appears only when needed but doesn’t affect his decisions otherwise. So the conclusion doesn’t hit as hard as it could, in my opinion. In a similar way, it is not really justified why he searches knowledge, or goes to the graveyard, while the previous steps are made extremely compelling.
Overall, really good! After the first paragraph, the story flows well, the main character is not only believable but compelling. I like how he does what needs to be done and hardly ever reconsiders his actions.
Thank You very much for this feedback! Yes I definitely has problems with presenting emotions credibly.