Around 10:45 on the morning of Feb. 25, Lee Goguen asked her father if he had any last requests.
The death that was coming to 70-year-old Gerald Goguen was the death he had chosen weeks in advance and his wife of 41 years had chosen to go with him.
Diagnosed with prostate cancer in 2008, Gerald’s health had started to deteriorate sharply in the months leading up to Christmas. Coby Goguen, 62, also had cancer that had spread and eaten into her bones. Both were racked with pain and wanted out.
Lee said she wanted to see her parents relieved of their suffering and was grateful they had the option to end their lives on their own terms.
My father had a stroke and heart attack while working. He was brain dead and there was nothing the hospital could do for him. He was taken off life support, and I watched him die for like 6 hours.
It continues to haunt me after years of therapy. I wish the U.S. had the ability to let people die peacefully rather than watch them die in agonizing pain.
In Canada doctors are obligated to give you the options in cases of terminal illness: Palliative in hospital or home, or MAID.
My father had … a lot of issues. From diabetes to hepatic encephalitis to cancer. But, because catholic he wouldn’t even consider maid.
So, we had him in their home, in the living room, on a hospital bed.
I spent 7 months at my parents home taking care of anything I could.
From the diagnosis to the point he … it was horrible. For everyone.
7 months watching him die.
The pain, the humiliating failures of his body, the desperation, the anger, it all was because god.
And years later, I still get flashes, I need to scream to the sky, I need to cry. I couldn’t even look at a picture of him.
It fucked me up.
It haunts me.
I’m sorry that you had to experience that.
It was shit. I’m sorry and angry my dad had to go through it because religion . but it was his choice. And I guess that’s what it’s all about.
Assuming he was brain dead, at least he probably didn’t consciously experience that pain, in spite of whatever involuntary bodily spasms he might’ve made on life support. The man you knew died painlessly at least, and I hope that brings you some peace.
Based on your description, I don’t think your father would have qualified for MAID in its current form - recipients must be able to provide informed consent immediately before receiving medical assistance in dying, with very narrow exceptions.