I don’t know anyone who can cut hair and I can’t afford to pay 25 bucks to get my hair cut so I shaved off my fairly long hair. Now people feel its acceptable to come into my job and tell me their stupid fucking takes regurgitated from whatever they heard on fox news this morning. As I’m at work I can’t share my opinions on the issues they don’t begin to comprehend. Now I know why Marx had so much hair, its 
repellent
If you get clippers with different guards, you should be able to do a short-back-and sides kinda thing.
I get the same thing with chuds, but less when I have my ear studs in.
Maybe get some piercings?
Worth a shot. I used to have an industrial but it healed when I was in jail. No one told me about using tines from my comb to hold it open until it was too late. Perils of being antisocial
I did that with my lip piercing for a few months! Ended up taking it out though and letting it grow in