I messed up, y’all. I’m on vacation with my family, and we are completely and utterly out of cash. We do everything with credit cards, and we exhausted most of the Emergency Cash Stash on a charmingly sketchy mini golf place that was cash-only and almost certainly reports an operating loss to the government every year. That plus tips for housekeeping has left us with less than a buck in change.

The problem is, we’re leaving the hotel tomorrow… and I have no cash for the final housekeeping tip. The ghost of Barbara Ehrenreich is making very disappointed sounds at me right now, and I need to make her stop by getting some dollar bills in my hand some way before 11:00 AM.

• The front desk can’t charge a gratuity to the credit card
• The credit card company will happily give us a highway-robbery-level cash advance at an ATM as long as we wait 7-10 days to get a PIN in the mail
• The glove box and center console of the car have nothing but masks and straws
• Food Lion and other stores will give you cash back but only if you pay with a debit card which I did not bring because ???

I’m at a loss. What do I do here? Buy a gift card and print it out? Wait at the snack counter and barter with people? Please help me make a working person’s day slightly better instead of slightly worse tomorrow.