Go pray on TikTok, then. Either it’s not witchcraft helping her, or your God is a farce.

I’m not gonna make fun of her looks either, cuz that really is just rolling around in the mud.

What I will make fun of, though, is literally everything else. She woke up and did that to her face with a makeup kit. She slapped clown-red on her lips, 2000s emo black on her eyes, contoured her face with a ruler, went to a barber and said “make my bangs as flat as I’ve drawn on my eyebrows,” teased out the sides of her hair in a way that is shockingly unflattering for her face shape, reverse-molted the Seinfeld puffy shirts of red dresses, and draped chains like an off-brand Zsa Zsa Gabor.

These were all choices and she did a bad job at all of them, then doesn’t like it when trolls steal her goblin costume. Nazis are obsessed with Sydney Sweeney—put this horseshit on her and see if she can pull it off. I dunno what you’re good at, Susan Dell, but this isn’t it. First, quit making poor choices with your makeup, then maybe we can work on your nasty Nazi habit.

Sure. I feel like we’re making the same argument, mine was just more emotionally charged and confusing.

But also, who gives a fuck? Cancel student loans and watch the economy suddenly explode when millions of people have disposable income for the first time ever. Set up assistance programs for anyone who paid off their loan and is still struggling financially, otherwise, fuck off with that entitlement.

I dropped out of college and had zero loans, my wife had crushing debt. After reconfiguring our budget, we were able to save up enough to pay off her loans just before the big COVID unfreeze. While our savings took a hit, we quickly were able to save up most of that money because we didn’t have to deal with soul-crushing loans. Everything’s expensive and uncertain now, but up until nearly a year ago, we were doing fine.

My point is, if you were able to pay off your loans and continue doing well for yourself, shut the fuck up. This conversation isn’t about you. It’s about the people who have to choose between rent and groceries. Once those people can afford to survive, you’ll probably get a raise at work because people won’t be so desperate that they’ll accept any wage, regardless of how much it lowers the bar.

I didn’t know that a Will Ferrell SNL character that was accidentally wished to life is running for public office!

How is this person somehow an incredible threat and a simultaneous parody of themselves?

If your foam quickly falls flat, try adding some glycerin!

Somehow, “birdsharking” sounds dirtier to me

Aren’t those supposed to let you commune with the dead? That should display Windows 7 and play the hauntingly beautiful Windows 95 startup tune.

Maybe they’re Teflon or diamond-coated pants? Or maybe chicken-sharks have soft down-like scales in the area above their pectoral fins and before their dorsal fin?

I dunno, I’m not an ichthornithologist

You can’t just go around calling out my wife like that.

Not specifically. A classic Pee-Wee trope was to eat something and say, “Mmm… [something]-y!” According to Paul Reubens’ posthumous biography, it was a gag that he got from his first and only serious boyfriend.

I also like how people often respect reasonable requests in comments. For example: I’d appreciate it and would find it highly amusing if everyone downvoted this comment.

Absolutely incredible. That’s the quickest I’ve ever blocked someone. I appreciate your measured responses.

You’re giving him credit for 3 more days per week than he works

I met the guy who invented the Reebok pumps technology, and successfully sued Reebok for stealing his invention. He also invented the football flack jacket. The November 1980 Playboy had the most in-depth article that also focused on the person behind the inventions.

You’re friends with Pee-Wee Herman?

These are the same people who claim that kids shouldn’t get sex ed in public school because they’re too young and innocent to understand sex or safe sex. That abstinence-only is the best lesson.

I bet it’s something Canadian!

- The cardiologist I fired

Bro, wait your turn for the cursed Rubik’s Cube

Amazing