Episode 18: Everyone Dies in Wildspace

Four intrepid spelljammers come across a derelict ship floating in Wildspace. Can they uncover its mysteries before a sinister evil destroys them all?
No.

I believe it was the ancient Greek philosopher Epicurus who said,
“The greater the difficulty, the more the glory in surmounting it.”

DM - Jon Ciccolini
Balloon - Bill Rehor
Daldagga (Giff Fighter) - Ify Nwadiwe
Delaware Jones (Giff Monk) - Matthew Lillard
Joey Jeff Jimmy (Giff Fighter) - Noura Ibrahim
Findelin Sploo (Giff Bard) - Lou Wilson

We find ourselves sailing through the airless void known aa Wildspace. You are all crew on the deck of a Bombard spelljamming ship. Bombards are usually built (and “sailed”) by Giff (tall, broad-shouldered humanoid with hippo-like features.
The primary retrieval team for your ship has recently boarded a derelict ship that you have found out in Wildspace. There’s something strange going on with this derelict ship. It’s another Bombard garishly painted in red and yellow stripes. The sails are a patchwork quilt of different fabrics and colors in strange patterns. Your primary retrieval team has not returned. The captain of your ship, Joe Mariner, tells you that you are up next. You’re the secondary retrieval team.
Joe Mariner:“I need you to go onto that ship and find out what has happened to your fellow crew members.”
There’s a gangplank connecting these two ships. The four of you could cross over to this other bombard. Findelin Sploo’s singing is interrupted as one of the first retrieval team comes stumbling off of the derelict ship ad over the gangplank. He falls in the middle and starts crawling in your direction. He looks up at you and says,
“The ‘Squeakers’. Beware.”
You board the derelict ship and descend below deck in search of your missing crew members. As you walk down the companionway and start looking in some of the different quarters, you notice something right away. There’s some sort of corrosive, ichor clinging to the walls, in pools on he floor as you move about.
You find the captain’s quarters. Inside something stands out to you: a large three-foot-square jack-in-the-box with a winch on the side, painted in eerie, multicolored designs. On the front, painted in an arc, it says,

“Open me for a thrill”

Highlights

• 10:35 Findelin Sploo sings:
  There once was a time where I was on a ship. There were men attempting to take over the ship. I said ‘No! This is my ship! You will not have it! You will not take it from me, Findelin Sploo!’ Then I took the ship and I turned the wheel, so the ship was put down, and I crashed the ship. Most of the crew died, but I survived. It was me, Findelin Sploo!
• 16:43 “I, Delaware Jones, bequeath my gift medal to none of you!”
• 17:50 Ballet
• 24:00 Placebo healing
• 29:00 The first team is found stuck in space taffy and there are some normal-sized space hamsters nearby. Space taffy can be broken down with oil and Delaware Jones brought gallons.
• 30:01 You had to lick the space taffy. Make a CON save.
• 36:05 Scott Passarella channels John Williams
• 46:08 The last song of Findelin Sploo:
  They were four second choices but they acted like one. So they went over to the boat, and there was a balloon. He was creepy as hell, so we cut him in half. Then they saved them, their poor crew members and made sure they were safe. And they stared down the danger and fought til the end because they were The Secondary Retrieval Team! The Secondary Retrieval Team!