How To Change The Past - eviltoast
  • antidote101@lemmy.world
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    7 months ago

    Hitler’s father was in his late thirties when he met and became infatuated with a family relative, his own neice, who was sixteen. They married even though it was looked down on by society. This was the relationship Hitler was born into.

    Hitler had the city this happened in bombed during the war.

    Hitler himself also had an affair with his own neice when he was in his late thirties, as well as other ladies half his age.

    Most of the ladies Hitler had relationships with killed themselves, and some of their writings are used as evidence that he was unstable, possessive, and into shit-play.

  • Sterile_Technique@lemmy.world
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    7 months ago

    *goes aaaaaaall the way back to that fucking fish that first evolved proto-lungs*

    *kicks it back into the water*

    This is for the greater good, you little bastard!

    • CheeseNoodle@lemmy.world
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      7 months ago

      You do this every morning to try and imprint the behaviour, when you get back all thats changed is almost all land dwelling life is now nocturnal because the proto lung fish learned to come out at night.

      • Sterile_Technique@lemmy.world
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        7 months ago

        Way too much work. I just want the one that set the branch for this timeline’s iteration of mammals: get it eaten, fast forward to today’s timeline and see if Lungfish B managed to evolve into a dominant race that doesn’t brandish shit like greed, racism, religion, aggression, etc.

        If things look the same or worse, go back and punt that bitch back into the water too, and see how Lungfish C does.

  • Kusimulkku@lemm.ee
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    7 months ago

    Hitler is never stopped because the people who are going to stop him just keep getting wrecked by monkeys

  • GBU_28@lemm.ee
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    7 months ago

    Germany was ready for some level of fuckery. Kill Hitler… what would have happened? Who knows

    • CitizenKong@lemmy.world
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      7 months ago

      German fascists were ready. Hitler won the chancelorship with only 35 percent of the popular vote. It’s like saying all US-Americans are Trumpists.

      • alcoholicorn@lemmy.ml
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        7 months ago

        The best part is that Hitler didn’t win, Hindenburg won with 53% of the vote, and proceeded to staff all the positions of power with nazis, and then hand power over to Hitler.

        The social democrats split from the communists and supported Hindenburg because “this is the most important election ever” and “we need unity and bipartisanship” type rhetoric.

        Naturally that unity and bipartisanship meant working with the fascists against the communists.

        The communists, ever cursed with Casandra Syndrome, ran on “A vote for Hindenburg is a vote for Hitler; a vote for Hitler is a vote for war.”

  • RunawayFixer@lemmy.world
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    7 months ago

    Well, this finally explains how bonobos came to be. These 2 taught conflict resolution through the power of love to the wrong ancestors.

    • chatokun@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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      7 months ago

      I thought the theory was we’re from both? We got the sex desire from bonobos and the aggression from chimps? I’m not well versed so I admit I could be very wrong

      • BluesF@lemmy.world
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        7 months ago

        It’s unlikely that we directly descend from any extant ape species, but rather that we share an extinct common ancestor.

      • RunawayFixer@lemmy.world
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        7 months ago

        Chimps also have sex for fun, I don’t know about frequency. What sets bonobos apart from chimps and humans is that they use sex for conflict resolution. If humans or chimps have a territorial dispute, then it’s going to lead to a violent war. If bonobos have a territorial dispute, then they usually sex it out (somehow, I don’t know how they decide who comes out on top, if someone has to come out on top that is, maybe post nut clarity is enough to convince everyone that it’s not worth the fuzz).

        I only know one instance in human history where (maybe) something similar happened: Richard Lionheart and Philip of France.

        • RedAggroBest@lemmy.world
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          7 months ago

          It’s not cross-group. Bonobos fight with other bonobos. Intergroup conflict is settled with sex instead of violence, it’s about group cohesion.

          Example: Human pisses off their neighbor. The “advanced” human approach is to take it to court and allow the whole to decide who was in the wrong. The chimp approach is to just beat the shit out of your neighbor and take some food from his fridge to rub salt in the wound. The bonobos approach is to fuck his wife, his daughter, and his son, to which his only response will be so mad he’ll fuck you then everyone is happy because sex.

  • Matriks404@lemmy.world
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    7 months ago

    I never understood why would you want to go back in time to kill Hitler. How do we know that somebody worse isn’t going to show up in history books, just some time later? And probably as nukes developed around that time, probably with atomic bombs?

    • Klear@lemmy.world
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      7 months ago

      There’s a documentary about that time it was tried. It’s called “Red Alert”.

    • UnrepententProcrastinator@lemmy.ca
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      7 months ago

      That is if you believe in the “great man” telling of history. It could be trends and sociological phenomenons that elevate those men or a confluence of both. It’s not like anti-Semitism wasn’t endemic before Hitler decided he would run on that.

      • Drewelite@lemmynsfw.com
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        7 months ago

        Although it’s hard to imagine something worse than the events of WWII, I often wonder what the world would look like without it. A lot of people around that time were exploring eugenics, as you mentioned there were plenty of anti-Semitic movements, and Hitler proved in no uncertain terms that these along with fascism were very problematic. I wonder if we would be in a worse position now, with more collective suffering just spread across centuries.

      • volvoxvsmarla @lemm.ee
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        7 months ago

        Isn’t that basically what Matriks404 said? That WWII didn’t happen because of Hitler and that killing off Hitler wouldn’t have prevented it. It would have happened anyway, the question is in what manner, at what point in time exactly, and if it wasn’t led by Hitler it would have been someone else, who might have been even more catastrophic.

    • narp@feddit.de
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      7 months ago

      Are you implying that Hitler should have “finished the job” in regards to the Jews?

      • fox2263@lemmy.world
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        7 months ago

        I’m thinking they mean if hitler didn’t exterminate the Jews then they as a collective wouldn’t have been given Israel and therefore there would not be conflict in Palestine of generational hatred.

        However even if you made 1930s Germany super peace hippy, WW2 may be avoided or something else happens and it occurs later with different alliances and rules. Maybe Israel is still formed but in a totally different way and circumstance.

        Who the hell knows.

        • redcalcium@lemmy.institute
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          7 months ago

          When WW2 broke, many colonial countries take advantage of the confusion to free themselves from their colonial oppressors and declared independence. If WW2 didn’t happen, those countries perhaps would gain their independence much later.

      • dcat@lemmy.world
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        7 months ago

        i bet you ask a lot of detailed questions during knock-knock jokes

        • narp@feddit.de
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          7 months ago

          I just think it’s better to ask if someone is a raging asshole instead of implying it from the get go.