Hey friend, I saw this post a couple days ago and it’s been sitting with me since then and I’ve been thinking about what I would say here. I know this kind of thing is tough. Passing is often seen as the most important part of transitioning, primarily because the rest of society explicitly or implicitly demands it. And if that’s important to you, that’s perfectly valid.

Personally, I’m more of a gender abolitionist. Gender is a social construct that society has tried (and kind of failed) to narrowly define and place barriers around. And we live in that society, so we can’t escape those feelings that have been forced on us and pounded into our subconscious. But it’s good to remember that it’s all bullshit. What a man looks like and what a woman looks like, even the traits that society has assigned to them aren’t rigid. There’s a wide spectrum for both with a HUGE overlap. I think this world would be a better place if we didn’t have genders, but individuals that interacted with each other as human beings who are allowed to look and feel the way that just feels natural to them without judgement or pushback. I know the world isn’t anywhere close to that, and I have doubts it could ever get there. Even holding these beliefs myself I still have subconscious thoughts intrude that contradict this ideal. But I take those moments to observe those thoughts and push back on them internally to better myself in this direction.

That being said, regardless of why you want to look more “feminine”, it’s valid and should be supported by everyone. I support you in this. Do what makes you feel happy and secure.

One more thing. I’m real bad about just letting every instance here in my feed, because I don’t want to miss out on potentially good content. So I didn’t immediately realize this was in Transfem. But when I saw your picture, I saw a woman, for what it’s worth.

Based purely on this picture I absolutely see a girl 🤷‍♂️ You pass fine, you just maybe like you’re having a PJ day at home or something

I’d say you pass. Looks like a first day off work PJ Day to me.

You’re passing in my household! I wouldn’t have guessed you were trans from this picture. My husband walked into the room to ask me something as I was about to comment, and I stopped him, told him I was going to ask an obvious question but just play along, showed him your picture, and asked him to guesstimate your age and gender with no other information; he guessed woman in her mid-20s.

You have a beautiful face! Big, sad eyes, delicate brow and chin, and truly perfect lips (seriously - size, shape, everything about them is gorgeous). I really like your nose too, I’m super into strong noses on women and men and have told my husband and his sister - who hate their prominent noses - that the only thing I’d change about them would be to make them bigger. 😂🥰 Yours matches the proportions on the rest of your face perfectly.

You’re genuinely beautiful. I’m really sorry you’re not feeling that way right now, but hopefully we can nudge you back to reality. ❤️

I dunno if this helps, but my brain tends to categorize gender presentation on a sliding scale of fem-androgynous-masc instead of using male and female. And when I saw your post my brain automatically said: presents as fem.