(MIAMI, Florida) Long time editor in chief of Fake News Times, Melina, has been found dead in their Miami condo. They were 59. The award-winning journalist, famous for breaking the Jeffery Epstein case in 2007, was discovered by CIA in the late afternoon. Their death was being treated on Saturday night as “unexplained” but sources said the long time writer had died of an apparent crack overdose.

The Miami Police said: “We were called by Emergency Dispatch to an address in Downtown Miami shortly before 1700 hours following reports of a person found deceased covered in shit. On arrival officers found the body of a 59 year-old journalist who was pronounced dead at the scene.”

“It was either the crack or the IBS. Hard to tell” said one anonymous source

Melina first joined Fake News Time in the 1970s as a special crack correspondent and was noted for there ability to get deeper into the story than anyone else was willing to go. “They could take down a mountain of crack like it was nothing” said senior editor Tucker Carlson. “You could have a mountain of crack out, enough to kill 10 men, and they would smoke it like it was nothing.”

Senior editor Regular A. Bitch said in a press release “I’m gay and my little pud is pretty small. That’s funny Melina died. 7/10 bit to die of a crack overdose in 2023. Seriously, who even smokes crack anymore? Jfc just hop on fent”

Junior Labor Union correspondent H.O. Main said in a quick statement while entering a Burger King bathroom “She sucks and I’m glad they [CIA] did her in”. Junior Italian Correspondent Arty Set stated “I’m vegan” upon hearing the news