Little Italy, New York. Known as “Italian Mecca” to the local wopulation, one restaurant found themselves facing a lawsuit after a vegan man was taken to a local medical facility to get his stomach pumped.

“Look, you eat here, you’re gonna get gout. I don’t have time to listen to every order people make,” said Giuseppi Grabatelli, owner and operator of Joe’s Original Pizza. “We serve cheese, we serve meat. Whaddayagonnadoaboudit?”

Some regulars are critical of Grabatelli’s laissez-faire attitude toward food safety and bodily autonomy. “I mean, yeah, it’s kinda gay but he ordered a fuckin mushroom. You wanna give him a slab of meat? Get the fuck oudda here,” said restaurant regular Vino Blasagna, before he was interrupted by a large man two tables away who screamed back “Who the fuck are you, huh? Some kinda tough guy?” Police quickly intervened to disarm both men and break up the relatively civil conversation but a feeling of dread remained in the air for seconds, if not minutes afterwards.

“I’m not happy about being poisoned but I respect it,” said Garrett Williamsburg, from Williamsburg. “He was just doing what any self-respecting nonna would do. That being said, I’m gonna sue the fuck out of him.”

This story is still unfolding and we will update with more information as it becomes available.