I love being lazy but in a fast way.

I’ve been struggling with whether to get an autism diagnosis or an adhd one (or to blow the money on therapy instead). I feel like I’m functioning less and less the older I get and sometimes wish a test trial of stimulants could tell me if I had ADHD.

Like if I functioned better on meds then I’d know I’m ADHD. I know it’s not a logical wish but I hate all the loopholes and money. I struggle to make medical appointments for anything that is immediately obvious like a wound or rash. Need to get a script ready in my head and hate advocating for myself or the kids to indifferent professionals.

I definitely get much more in my head and overthinking everything that I say when I take meds. Which makes socializing much less fun. On the other hand when I don’t take them I am more likely to blurt out the first thing I think which can also be bad.

I experience less anxiety pressuring me to create conversations. The result is that I more confidently refrain from participation.

I don’t consider this making me more autistic, but rather helping me to mask less / accept what I really want more.

I haven’t been formally diagnosed with autism but I definitely relate with this. My psychiatrist said it was quite likely that I was on the autistic spectrum but they don’t bother to diagnose people because there’s no real value in it, according to her

Edit: I disagree with the psychiatrist - I think an autism diagnosis definitely has value. From her perspective, there aren’t any additional treatment options available where I live (e.g. no medications, any therapy would be just as accessible without a diagnosis, etc.) and the diagnosis itself is a long, expensive process, so I can understand the reluctance, but obviously I feel like diagnosis would still be worthwhile.

Treating my ADHD definitely helped me so much but not in the ways I was expecting and it definitely allowed for my suppressed autism traits to become more apparent.